i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
