just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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