I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Too much gin, very little bucket
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
