No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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