everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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