you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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