I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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