Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
