hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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