I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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