I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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