Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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