they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
