i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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