you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
