so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
