Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
