I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
