I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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