broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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