I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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