Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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