I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
