Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
