i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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