It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
