I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize