I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
