we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
