I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
