Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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