I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
