So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
