lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
