White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
