the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
