In the future we'll all be gay
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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