i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You made out with two different species that night
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
