and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
