You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize