Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
