we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
