he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
