I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
