Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
