Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
