My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
