I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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