we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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