All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
