Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
