My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In other news, I just burned my penis
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
