You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize