We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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