just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
