i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
