I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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