Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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