yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
