I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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