you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
