The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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