I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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