I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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