my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
