He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
