Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
then he tried to convert me to islam
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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