my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
