oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
