Im at strip club and am horny
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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