We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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