Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you made out with another girl for some wings
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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