It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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