I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I cockslap morals
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
